Will I Survive? (Assignment 1)

I have a lot to get off of my chest and a lot that I need help coping with.  I don’t have much support at this point in my life.  So I’m gonna need some support and advice.

Not much time has gone by, but a lot has happened in my life.  Sad to say it, but mostly disheartening things have happened.  I’m at one of the lowest points in my life right now and don’t know that it could get much worse.  It started as I was mourning the loss of my amazing father, the king.  This is one of the hardest situations and losses I’ve ever had to go through.  After that massive loss my mind couldn’t go many other places, but my mother made it go other places.  She didn’t ease into harsh situations she moved into them very quickly.  “But two months dead, nay, not so much, not two, / So excellent a king, that was to this…” (1.2.138-139) Something you probably couldn’t even imagine; my mother told me that she was getting married to my uncle. Yes, you heard me, my uncle.  He is otherwise known as my father’s brother, Claudius.  Ugh…that’s all I’ve got to say.  But seriously, he is “A little more than kin, and less than kind!” (1.2.65)  My uncle, which is now the new king (which, by the way, kills me to say) is close to me when talking about blood relativity, but he is less than kind by a long shot.  I can’t stand that man.  He “swooped in” and is marrying my mom right after my dad’s death; there’s not anything more despicable/ shameful than that.  I have lost all respect for him and don’t plan on gaining any throughout him and my mother’s marriage.

There’s not much I can do, all I can do is stay out of it.  My mother doesn’t know my truest feelings but when I am all alone I spill my heart out, all I’m thinking is, “O that this too too sullied flesh would melt, / Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew…” (1.2.129-130) If I could just evaporate and dissolve into the air I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this crap, act fake in front of my mother, and try to be okay with my father’s death. It’s not fun. It’s so hard.  I can’t handle it.  If I am being completely honest with all of you, if it weren’t against my religion I would want to get rid of myself.  I think to myself, “Or that the Everlasting had not fixed/ His cannon ‘gainst self-slaughter.  O God, God, / How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable/ Seem to me all the uses of thy world!” (1.2.131-134)

This world is going down and I am falling fast.  “Things rank and gross in nature/ Posses it merely.” (1.2.136-137) All I can say is that this world is very depressing and there is a very evident “decay in Denmark”.  This is very sad to say, but throughout the fall of my father and now from the fall of me, Denmark does not have much going for itself.  I am struggling immensely and could use some encouragement.

Thank you, dear friends, for listening,

__Hamlet__